Revelations..well, sort of

I made two realizations!

Firstly, i finally understood why i love to travel so much! My parents love to travel, they seem to be on a mission to conquer every part of China despite our gentle encouragements to venture somewhere else! My ma had been traveling a fair bit this year. And now..in about few hours time, it’ll be my dad’s turn to fly!

Come to think of it, it seems like almost every month of the year, at least one of my family member will be overseas. Whether it’s my parents, kor, dashao, or myself. It’s in the DNA of MAD (Ma And Dad)…so blame it on them for my travel bug! Muahhaha! The ONLY person not infected would be my sister. She’s the only person i know in the world who DON’T like to travel!!! I say she’s weird, but she prefers to be known as an unique individual. Is this the right time to use the word renegade? Haha ;p

Ma is trying to entice Char and myself to go HK in Dec..ooh lala. I really wish to go!!! I miss HK so much..my fav yu dan, the genting air temp, the shopping, the food, the everything! But…it’s important for me to be around now la.

And secondly, i realized that i can remember things better through photos. It all started when i was looking through some photos to make cards, i surprised myself as i could remember more through the photos. It’s fun to see how we’ve changed over the years, and to laugh over the fun events that happened when the moment was captured.

I have quite a STM (Short Term Memory). You know there’s 16G, 8G, 4G..mine is probably only 256MG..hahah! STM not in things i have to do, but in events that have happened. Hence, my Pri/Sec/Poly friends always say i’m in a world of my own..as if i studied in a different school, because i seldom have recollection of what happened in the past. It’s good in a way ya, so i won’t remember any bad memories too! Heehee *chuckles* 

That’s why recently, i started taking more photos with my camera, so that i can preserve more memories. Only the sweet ones though :).

AC aftermath

5 days of AC has come and gone. It will be near impossible to list down everything fantastic that had been experienced. But i will try to at least pen down what touch me the most.

A few people i met mentioned i lost weight again. I didn’t really put much thought till i went to weigh myself, and realized that i did lose another 1kg! Wow..so i did hit my target of losing 3kg by AC after all. Cool :).

Highlights:
– Presence of God present so strongly in every session.
– Word that was preached.
– Ordination of our dearest Rev Pst Zhuang! So proud & happy for him!
– Opportunity to serve Pst Kevin Loo & Esther during the electives, they’re such nice peeps!
– Surprise return of Shannen! You have been well missed!
– Song item “Grace” by Carola & a very suai Jonas…so mesmerized by his song and candy good looks :).
– Totally forgetting about my sister and leaving home for Expo without her!!!! My memory is getting shorter by the minute! How can i forget!! Hahahha silly me.
– Car rides home with my dearest members, their crazily loud P&W singing never fails to bring a smile :).
– Giving thanks to God and friends during the heart warming Finale. Indeed that’s what friends are for.

God spoke to me about 3 things through this conference:
#1. He quietly whispered: “Love My people” into my ears during the 2nd day session. And so i will.

#2. Was very impacted by Pst Phil’s sessions. I was challenged to prophesy to the dry bones. The picture of Pst Phil asking one of the pastors to keep repeating what he said till it became prophesying kept ringing in my mind. What a change in atmosphere! I’ve got to meditate on Eze 37 for deeper revelations.
Bones become dry due to broken/cut spirit. When you’re cut, you need to let go. It’ll all get better in time? I hope it will.

#3. My fav preacher, AR Bernard preached a word in season. He shared when you love a person, you change his life. WOW. I’m provoked to do more, shine more in the marketplace. It’s time for me to touch more lives, in turn touching places. Eunice and Val’s testimony was plain awesome, yet keeping it real at the same time. This is really how lives are changed, touching one person at a time.

I’ve an opening which might lead me to a new direction in my career. Still praying over it. Perhaps new things for the new year? Keep me in your prayers ya :).

On a separate note, had an interesting conversation with Char the other day. We concluded we don’t believe in wishes, because wishes don’t come true unless you work for it. Was just thinking have some recent events made me a more closed up and less believing person, esp towards friendships. I hope not. I hope to learn to love again. Hope, this i believe in. 

Thank You for such a conference. Indeed destiny is working in our midst.
Asia Conference 2008
Touching Asia, Transforming The World

Closer to You

During cg meeting yesterday, decided to sing a song i wrote about 3 weeks back for worship. The presence of God was strong. Some of my mbms shared how it ministered to them, which i thank God for it. Just as how it ministered to me as well.

The song goes like this..

Closer to You
Verse:
Everytime i close my eyes, i feel You near me
Everytime i lift my hands, Your presence draws me
Closer to You
Closer to You i wanna be
Everytime i fail to see, You light up my path
Everytime i bend my knees, Your presence draws me
Closer to You
Closer to You i wanna be

Chorus:
Jesus You are my Savior King
You are my missing link
Now i am Yours forever
Jesus You are my strong tower
Unchanging God of love
I give my all to You

Bridge:
I stand before Your throne
Your undeserving grace
Fills my life, day by day
Your love Your hope Your grace
Keeps me strong, lift my faith
I give my all to…

Wrote it suddenly after praying one day. Wanted to pen down that through it all..God’s love is unchanging, and that how important it is to be close to Him. Many times, there seem to be missing links in my life..things happening which doesn’t make sense. But really, God is my missing link..with Him in the puzzle, everything will fit eventually :).

This was the 3rd time i seriously wrote a song. The funny thing is..all 3 songs were written during the lowest point of my life, at different stages. But more importantly, it serves as a reminder that not only i survived through the last 2 valleys..how it made me stronger and wiser too. So hopefully, this 3rd song will see me through once again.

Today, i render everything dead. Where there is death, there will be resurrection! Resurrect 2008 dear God!

Tears in heaven

Decided to abstain myself from msn, facebook (except maybe to upload photos and add friends ha!) and blogging (except to write of course) for a while. Not much of a difference actually as i seldom do the above anyway haha. Wish to spend more time with people physically, esp my members..to know them more and to be more personal.

As i looked back, i think i’ve cried more this year than i’ve did in the last 10 years accumulated together. I am never a crying person. I hardly cry when i watch a movie even if it’s touching, hardly cry when speeches were made or when i make speeches, hardly cry when i attend weddings or funerals. I don’t easily cry even when the presence of God is very strong. Don’t know why, perhaps it’s because i don’t drink alot of water?

But it seems like the tear ducts have been broken this year. I’ve been crying alot more this year, mostly during my quiet time..i guess probably because He’s the only person i can share with right now.

Char has been asking me of late if i’m feeling down, even my primary school friends whom i’ve not met up in ages also asked if something was bothering me. Wow..i didn’t know. I’ve been trying my best to be happy everyday. Happiness is an emotion, but it is also a choice.

Yes, i’m feeling very sad things ended up the way it did. Dunno why i feel so much over it…perhaps i really treasured what i had. It’s hard to bear at times, especially when the awkward moments arises.

There will be days where my heart will be full of faith, ready to believe everything will be restored in His time..but days where it’ll be empty, that all has been lost. It’ll be much easier if i only know what’s in the mind of others? At least, i know what to expect. But it’s seldom the case ah. Been encouraging myself with Provs 20:24…”A man’s steps are of the Lord; so why try to understand everything along the way?”

God has taught me on patience this year..learn to wait when i don’t understand. I used to be very impatient, trying to solve things through my own ways, sometimes ending up hurting others and myself. I choose to be an optimist. Believe that things will work out for everybody, that things will not just go back to as it was but better and stronger.

I want to focus more on God, not so much on my emotions. I’m down, but my life still goes on and there are many other things i can be happy about. That’s why i made some happy cards, gonna confess until my breakthroughs come! Be happy Sharon Wan!

Disgusted

I was showering a few days back, and felt something touched my ankle..thinking it might be the strands of hair clogged at the drain-hole..i carried on. Few seconds on, i felt something again..i was thinking hmm..not right leh. I opened my eyes, looked down..and lo and behold!!! I saw a disgusting looking cockroach trying to crawl up my leg!!!! OH MY TIAN!!! YUCKS!!!!

My immediate instinct was to use the shower to try drown it with water…but it just would not die!!!! Its feelers were moving as if it’s saying hi to me!!! Die cockroach dieee!! So i ran out and rolled a huge ball of toilet paper, squashed it as tightly as i could, flung it into the toilet bowl and flush it! That of course totally woke me up for the morning pm. But my hair still stands when i tell others of my frightening experience. All cockroaches must die!!!

My beloved family and friends celebrated my birthday yesterday. Just wanna thank everybody for all their love, my heart is overwhelmed.

A Big Humongous thanks to…
– My parents, godparents, kor, dasao and char for the delicious luncheon at Ah Yat. And the big fat angbaos :). 
– Char for the scrapebook which i adore so much! Oh..and vouchers too. I feel the efforts you’ve put into it.
– My beloved members for the French Connection watch!
– Win, rae, lynn and siew for more vouchers..shopping time for Asia Conference!
– Dajie for the mani/pedi and lunch..i’ve pretty nails again.
– Boss for the skin vouchers, even more shopping!
– Shannon, wuayboon, kel, cynthia, rayvin, donny, rou, faji, doreen, shaun, cindy koh, bee and suryanto for the lovely Nine West bag. I will work hard ;p.
– Karen tay, sue and dy for the glamorous Prada wallet. I hope it’ll always be fat with money! Hahaah! I am very very touched by the gift :).

A special heartfelt thanks to dy, for planning everything and more. Really appreciate it. She’s been my “bday coordinator” for the past 2 years. Rem my last year’s bday “party”?! Haha..seems just like yesterday! And i hope for more exciting ones in years to come :).

More than the gifts, i am really thankful for all the relationships. I treasure each and every single one with all my heart. Am always grateful to have them as a part of my life. I am truely blessed.

I can only pray now

Yesterday, i finally understood some things i did not previously. But yet to understand..it only led to something worse.

There are so many Whys in my mind now. I don’t understand how things can lead to me being implicated. Am i someone like that to be capable of doing something like this? I feel it is just so ridiculous. I lost something important, for something i did not do. You know how it feels, when people say it’s over, let’s move on..but at the back of your mind, you know you will never know if they will trust you again? Ya..that’s how i feel. Even if the truth is out eventually, the damage has been done. It’s all in a mess..don’t even know if it’s still possible to restore things as it was. All in all, it is just a lousy feeling.  

Feel like crying out to God that it’s unfair. Feel like shouting. Feel like a thousand things now. But i can only be still..and know that He is. This battle is not for me to fight, but God. Was reading the CG sermon for this week. Like David, i can only walk through the valley and stay close to Him.

I need God, more than ever before.

What a day..

The high would be starting off the day seeking God in the morning PM, being soaked in His presence was great. Subsequently, went over to the far far east for my office devotion too. God spoke through:

Ps 68:3,8-9
“May the righteous by glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful…the earth shook; the heavens also dropped rain at the presence of God; Sinai itself was moved at the presence of God. You, O God, sent a plentiful rain, whereby You confirmed Your inheritance, when it was weary.”

The low would be having some mixed feelings over some thing. Some things seem to be back to normal, yet there seem to be a withdrawal still. I know things will be different, but maybe my heart was not prepared that it will be this different. I shall commit it to God. Hmm…tomorrow will be better.

Perhaps this was why God spoke to me this morning through Ps 68, that i must remember through all things, to be happy and joyful still. My Sinai (mountains) shall be moved at the presence of God. In fact, i’ve been meditating on the book of Psalms daily for the past 1 month or so. Like David, i want to be close to God for strength even in tough times. It had been a great companion the past month. Hopefully i can finish Psalms before 2008..and apply the principles in my life actively!!

Char was asking me just now am i excited for my birthday. I told her i was not so looking forward to it. Dunno why too. Maybe learnt some hard lessons about expectations. No expectations = no disappointments? That didn’t sound very right. ANYWAY…Be happy and joyful!!

I will await for the rain of God to fall. Be patient, Sharon Wan.

Here we go

Today was Arise & Build! Was so excited because this time round it felt so different from all my previous participation.

As Pastor shared on unusual responses, it hit me on how true that all my previous breakthroughs came because i dared to do something differently. Wanzai, when was the last time you did something drastically different? Hmm…

For a while, i was troubled by the amount i was led to give, as it was indeed an unusual amount. But God reminded me once again what He had been speaking to me so often recently…that obedience is better than sacrifice. If this was an unusual response from me, and God is happy, then i am happy too :).

As i finished writing, lifted up the envelope..i felt the power of God so strongly over me, my body was trembling. For the 1st time in my pledging, I felt so clear and focused in my giving. In the past, i would always try to out-give my previous giving, till a point where giving became about me instead of God? Obedience is better than sacrifice. This time round was different. It’s like i can see a purpose, a direction within my giving. Feels like i’m giving to God for the 1st time all over again. It’s a wonderful feeling..Whheeee!   

On a lighter note, my ma offered me a great package as my present…but i don’t think can go, hmmph. Can exchange it into cash instead? Wahahah!! Recently, when we drove past Orchard Plaza (where my dad mentioned many Vietnam bride agencies can be found)..she suddenly turned and suggested finding a Vietnamese husband for me!!! What?!! Eyes rolling!! Can’t wait to marry me off eh!! Hahahah…then she changed her mind, and said: “Hmm..Better find you a korean husband instead, just like one of those in my korean drama serials. More handsome.” Hahaha…i wanna faint!! 

God, may the next 6 months be filled with breakthroughs and exponential increase in all areas! Not just for myself, but for everybody i love as well..Amen!

Crystal Jade is having a steamboat buffet + unlimited xiao long bao promo @ $20/pax. Ooh la la..Can someone please go eat with me?!